Theatrical Disaster
by Suicidal Samurais
Summary: Malfoy is selected to direct the students of Hogwarts in their not entirely annual school play Finding Nemo. Around the corner lies success, but no one expects a surprising turn of events that change leadership and produce a not so happy outcome.


Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter and his little friends and enemies (heck, the whole damn series) or Finding Nemo. Well. Got that over with.

Chappie ONE/UNO/ICHI/uhm... I dunno th' rest...

Everybody is sitting in a big auditorium type dealy (aka: great hall). The head table is used as a stage. Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle are standing with scripts.

Malfoy: Can I have your attention please?

Everyone: keeps talking

Malfoy: Hello? Anybody?

Everyone: ignores him

Malfoy: LISTEN TO ME GODDAMMIT!

Everyone: silence

Malfoy: THANK you. I have the scripts for the school play with me and...

Harry: Why does he have to be in charge of this?

Hermione: I don't know. I bet he's given us all lousy parts.

Ron: **Bloody **right. I don't know what the **bloody **hell made Dumbledore choose him to lead the play.

Harry: Me neither.

Malfoy: Will you please shut up?

Harry: Sorry.

Ron: **Bloody **sorry, asshole.

Malfoy: WHAT was that last part?

Ron: Nothing, **bloody **hell.

Malfoy: Anyways. Where was I? Oh right! I have the scripts for the school play here. The play this year will be Finding Nemo.

Everyone: What the hell is that?

Ron: What the **bloody **hell is that?

Malfoy: It's some strange Muggle production. Dumbledore likes it.

Ron: Well, that **bloody **settles it. And why the **bloody **hell did Dumbledore put you in charge?

Malfoy: Because I'm responsibe and I asked politely.

Harry: Yeah right.

Malfoy: And I bribed him with those Muggle lemon drops.

Ron: And where the **bloody **hell did you get your filthy hands on those?

Malfoy: Your mum gave them to me.

Ron: WHAT THE **BLOODY **HELL?

Malfoy: Just kidding. I stole them. Now, can we please get back on topic? Thank you. I have selected people for the parts. There are no changes possible. Nemo will be played by Harry Potter.

Harry: That's a stupid name.

Malfoy: And for those of you who are too stupid to figure anything out by yourselves, please come up and get your script when I tell you what part I've given you.

Harry: Grrr... gets script

Malfoy: Ron is Bruce.

Ron: Who the **bloody **hell is Bruce?

Malfoy: You'll find out if you actually look at the script.

Ron: Grr... **Bloody **idiot...

Malfoy: Hermione is Dory.

Hermione: Is that a big part?

Malfoy: (hearts in his eyes) Yeah...

Hermione: Is Dory a good part?

Malfoy: Only the best for you...

Hermione: smacks him with her wand

Malfoy: Neville is Jacques.

Neville: But I can't do a French accent.

Everyone: ...

Malfoy: How do you know that Jacques has a French accent?

Neville: turns bright red My... gran... took... me... to... see... it...

Malfoy: In a Muggle theatre?

Neville: turning redder Yes...

Malfoy: You stupid loser! You're practically a Muggle!

Neville: No! No! It's my gran! She made me! I didn't want to go! Honest I didn't! Please don't kill me! WHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (starts crying)

Malfoy: I'm sorry! Now shut up all ready!

Neville: O-okay...

Everybody: HEY EVERYBODY! MALFOY SAID HE WAS SORRY TO NEVILLE OF ALL PEOPLE!

Malfoy: (smoke coming out of his nostrils) SHUT UP OR I WILL RELEGATE ALL OF YOU TO A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!

Everyone: And that is...

Malfoy: Eating Hagrid's rock cakes. Back on topic... Seamus is Marlin.

Seamus: Thanks.

Malfoy: Ginny is Darla.

Ginny: Finally someone with a normal name.

Malfoy: Um... Right... Do you know who she is?

Ginny: No, I'm not a Muggle... Why?

Malfoy: No reason... Crabbe and Goyle are going to be Anchor and Chum, respectively.

Crabbe and Goyle: take scripts

Ron: **Bloody **no! I'm Bruce and they're his **bloody **friends!

Malfoy: How do you know?

Ron: I've read that much of the **bloody **script.

Malfoy: Oh, right then... Dean is Gill. Lavender is Deb/Flo. Parvati will be Coral. Cho will play Peach. Ron is also playing the dentist. Colin is -

Some Time Later...

Malfoy: So that's all of the parts.

Everyone that doesn't have a part: WHAT ABOUT US?

Malfoy: Well… You guys can be crabs, pelicans, turtles, or fish. Take your pick.

Extras: Aaaawwwwwww…

Ron: So when the **bloody** hell is this Muggle play going to happen?

Mrs. Weasley's face in the fire place: Why the **bloody **hell are you saying **bloody **all the **bloody **time?

A/N: Well we hope that you guys liked this story.

**PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.**

That was Seppuku, by the way. Luv ya! ;)

Kanshi


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